| seventeen » forward and backward and forward |
[20 Nov 2009|06:47pm] |
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long black veil » roseanne cash |
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It's a little strange when your significant other begins to talk about your relationship in the scope of marriage and children. None of you know me, but I'm a widow. My husband died a few years ago. So I've done the marriage bit before. I had a good marriage and a good husband. I'm not opposed to marrying Adam someday. I love him, but it's different than it was with my late husband. I'm different than I was in my teens and early twenties. I don't know what type of wife I would be the second time around.
As for children? That's a complicated subject. In fact, 'complicated' is putting it nicely. We tried to have children in my last marriage and we had a lot of problems. It was a difficult time in our lives, one that I wasn't sure I'd get through at the time. I love Adam, though, and I would and will be willing to try again when he wants to.
It all feels odd. It isn't because of the timeline, as he pointed out when we talked about this. I believe very much that sometimes you just know when someone is a right fit. It could be three days or three years into a relationship. When you know, you know. But there's still something there beneath the surface; something I haven't been able to recognize yet. I know it has to do with me. It's my own insecurity, my own fear. When you love someone enough, you would do anything to make them happy. When you're faced with the realization that you might not exactly accomplish that, it's a scary thing. What do you do? Give up? Try your best? Wait it out? I'm not sure. But I haven't been the type to give up yet. So that's something at least.
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